Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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