I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
