in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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