Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
