somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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