Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
