I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
