call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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