it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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