all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
