Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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