How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
