What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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