Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
