So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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