even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
