i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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