I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
