I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
