sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
