Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
