is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
