all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
