I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
