I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
