How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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