So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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