It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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