So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
