I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
