so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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