I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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