my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
