We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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