overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
