he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
