oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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