direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
