sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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