I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
