The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize