I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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