there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
