Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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