ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
