just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is the prime rib incident all over again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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