U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
