dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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