First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize