So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
