So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
