I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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