I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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