yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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