So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
