ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
