when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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