Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
