Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Randomize
