too bad you live with your parents still
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
