You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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