All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we're so committed to being not committed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
