so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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