how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
