That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You made out with two different species that night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
