the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
