and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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