come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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