My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
