Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
