oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
