My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
