At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.