After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.