So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.