In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst