So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and she was petting her beer can
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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