I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
