don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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