I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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