I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
